Maktub

I woke from a bad dream
The light was low, and I was not sure where I was
I felt for something or someone familiar
But in this bed – I was alone
And nothing was familiar in the dark

The dream was so real

I was young
I was fit
I was awake
I was alone
I cried
Because I knew it was real

I was young and had to do my life over again
But was forced to do it exactly the same way
I have the knowledge
But lacked the wisdom
I was powerless to make the changes I knew I needed to  

I was happy to see Star Wars again for the first time
But was weaked by the anxiety of being on an adolescents first date
I was worried about my skin, my hair and my height  
I was shouting in my dream
“It just doesn’t matter”
But I could not hear myself
So, I fidgeted in my seat, uncertain where to put my hands 

In the darkness of the midnight room
I had no self-awareness
I was both a boy and a man
I was powerless to be anyone other than me
I was not enough  
I wanted to sleep again- And re-write my dream
I wanted a different outcome

But sleep eluded me
I was stuck with the images rattling around in my mind 
But in the end
In the darkness

It was all true -

Maktub